Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Wish List....

I received the below private comment on Jillian's Care Page tonight, and I though it was worth sharing. I know some of you can relate to these wishes. This comes from a mother who lost her daughter about four years ago.


1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had her back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you too.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, please know it isn't because you hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child and allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so please don't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

5. I need diversions so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

6. I know that you think of me and  pray often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, email, or a card, or a real big hug.

7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in 6 months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will live with the death of my child until the day I die.

8. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I hope you understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my daughter and I will always grieve that she is gone.

9. I wish that you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it", or to "be happy", or "smile". These may not happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

10. I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. Please be patient with me.

12. When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't FEEL okay, and I struggle daily.

13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected.

14. Your advise to "take one day at a time", is excellent. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle one hour at a time.

15. Please excuse me if I am rude. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast, and I need to get off. When I walk away,  please know I need a quiet place.

16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be the same again.

17. I wish very much that you could understand my loss, my grief, my silence, my tears, my void and my pain, BUT, I pray that you will never understand.

~The Compassionate Friends


  1. Thank you for teaching me. Love you.

  2. It teaches me too. So, so much to learn.

  3. Thank you for sharing although you are experiencing so much loss:( You are such an inspirational Mama Bear:) Sending you hugs and prayers from Pennsylvania:) Melanoma Warrior and creator of The Cancer SPOT

  4. Powerful and so necessary to share...
    God bless everyone who is living,trying to survive the loss of someone they love,and especially when that person is your child. I do not mean to minimize any other loss,but when you have given life to that child, in my mind and heart it is a different pain and struggle.

  5. I never met Jillian, but her and I fought the same fight...For some reason, I think she loved the outdoors (maybe all the pics) like I do and when I am outside I dedicate my time with nature to her and your family. All my best to you in this difficult time. your e-friend in California