Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I'll be back....

April showers bring May flowers. And with the promise of spring flowers comes May Melanoma Awareness Month.

Ever since Jillian was diagnosed with Melanoma in July of 2010, I’ve been an active participant within the melanoma community. This is our chance to be heard. To blast the media with our stories, all in the hopes that people will become educated and more aware of the dangers of tanning beds and the sun.

 We have made great strides in those few years. People are starting to listen. The FDA is paying attention, and so are you. 

But for me this May, all the hoopla, postings, stories, photos, and media coverage will take their toll.

I’m afraid.

Living with the death of my daughter has been extremely difficult. There is no path, no map (in my case a GPS). It constantly shifts and changes. Sometimes the road is bright and clear, other times it’s dark and full of pot holes. Sometimes it’s underwater. There are times when the boogie man is lurking under the bushes waiting for me. But I am learning to navigate, and to swim through the storms. And I pray the boogie man away often.


A couple of years ago, someone very close said to me, “You have to figure out what helps, and what hurts”. That’s funny, because what may have helped me before, can hurt me today.

The loss of some of my melanoma friends to this disease, and the progression in others has tipped the scale for me. I have decided to skip out for a while. Take a little break while I focus on my family.

My youngest and last child still living at home will be getting ready to leave the den in May. I want her to have my full attention.



I hope you understand my need for escape. But then again, I don’t really expect you to. I won’t be too far….I’ll just be under the front porch waiting for the rain to lessen some.


I love you all, I truly do.

~Peace











7 comments:

  1. I understand your need to escape. Melanoma is a rocky terrain, and grief's path is even more treacherous. You need to do what is best for you and your family, and no one but you knows what that is. Sometimes a break gives us renewed strength and enthusiasm and a new sense of purpose; sometimes it is just a welcome relief from the emotional weight we carry. So take the time you need but know that we will miss you.

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  2. Susan -please don't beat your self up to bad or feel guilty about this decision. You certainly have gone far past what anyone would expect of you. Take a break enjoy your family as you well know we never know how long we or they will be around. Pass the torch to someone else for a while.I think to it may help you to get rid of some of that we'll deserved anger that we hold in our sole when we lose the ones we love. Go a few places that you have missed, breathe the air, sing, and try to enjoy life. I'm sure your Jillian is so proud of all that you have done. I am just as sure that she would want you to concentrate your energy on those you have left here as you are loving for two now. I am sure you won't be far from this cause but I know we all wish you a chance to just be happy ❤

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  3. Susan -please don't beat your self up to bad or feel guilty about this decision. You certainly have gone far past what anyone would expect of you. Take a break enjoy your family as you well know we never know how long we or they will be around. Pass the torch to someone else for a while.I think to it may help you to get rid of some of that we'll deserved anger that we hold in our sole when we lose the ones we love. Go a few places that you have missed, breathe the air, sing, and try to enjoy life. I'm sure your Jillian is so proud of all that you have done. I am just as sure that she would want you to concentrate your energy on those you have left here as you are loving for two now. I am sure you won't be far from this cause but I know we all wish you a chance to just be happy ❤

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  4. You are being true to yourself, your family and Jillians memory. Live and LOVE ...on your terms.

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  5. prayers of hope and love sent out for you my friend, know the track of losing a child not an easy road to navigate.

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  6. Interesting that you are taking a break the same month that my 35 year old daughter received her diagnosis. Cycles. I will be going through yours.

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  7. Sue we all need to take time for ourselves.It can be for healing or time needed with our family. It could be time spent talking with God and receiving from Him a healing for a broken heart. I have never lost a child so I don't that pain personally but I've lost a brother and my 2 closest friends. I pulled away from having close relationships since these deaths but have learned to have a friend and Mentor in Jesus. Stay strong or not either way remember you are loved at all times. Peace be with you Sue.

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