Saturday, July 13, 2013


Expectations. How many times do we feel our expectation’s aren’t being met? Or, how often do we allow other’s to put their expectations upon us? It can be the expectation that you should move forward in your life after your child has died.

Really? Have you lost a child? No, I’m not talking about a husband, a wife or a sister or brother. I’m talking about a child. No? Then please hush. 

Or perhaps someone is telling you that you aren’t getting out enough, or you’re getting out too much. Spending too much time, or not enough time on one thing or another. Seriously, unless you’ve traveled the same road in the exact same way, hush.

There is no time table with grief, and there is no right or wrong way. This is a good lesson to learn.

I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to live up to others expectations. It’s no one’s fault but my own. But I’ve learned that I’ll never be exactly what someone needs me to be. For them. I end up being the hamster in the cage spinning on its wheel, getting nowhere fast. I’ve slowed down a lot the last few years. The wheel resides in the closet now, and I’m strong enough to fight for what I feel is right for me. I don’t own the expectations, they do. 

So if I don’t want the burden of an expectation, I need to understand that I shouldn't expect anything either. My good friend Staci and I have talked about his subject many times. We are all individuals, and I believe most people are basically good people, with good intentions.  So what happens when…..

The sun. The life giving, life taking sun. I see young families on the beach with their children and it’s plain to see they’ve been exposed to those deadly UV rays far too long. Why? They know about Jillian. They know she died from spending too much time laying out in the sun and using tanning beds. So why? I have no clue. But instead of  hauling out the hamster wheel expecting something different, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing in the hopes that one day it will click. One day before they can expect a visit from PunkEvil, Melanoma.

I leave you with Jillian’s words:

“Laying out in the sun and tanning beds pretty much screwed me”.



  1. Love you Susan! You are right, no one that hasn't walked that right has any right to say a thing!!

  2. Your words are always so powerful and well put :-)

  3. can relate, "hush" I am going to remember that word!
    hugs! keep preaching!

  4. It's so hard for me to even visit the beach in the summer because all I want to do is preach to people about sun protection, asking them if they know what they're risking when they bask for hours in the sun working on that perfect tan. Of course most all of them KNOW the risks, but definitely don't want to be reminded of them. Most think they're immune from skin cancer and I'm sure most of them secretly want to say 'hush' to me when I mention the dangers of sun bathing. Will it ever be easy to be a killjoy'? Probably not. As a Melanoma 'warrior' I feel like such a cop-out when I choose to avoid the beach in the summer. :^(