I’ve started several blog posts
over the last couple of months. I save them, but I never complete writing them.
Why. Oh, I realize I’ve been busy since I’ve moved into my new house.
Landscaping, painting…so many projects that have occupied my time as I’m trying
to make this house a home for Jenni and I. But those are choices. Truth is,
I’ve been running.
I had a conversation with my
wise friend a couple of weeks ago.
Me: I've been running, Stac.
Stac: Do you need me to help you stop?
Me:..................
Stac: Maybe it's all a part of your journey?
Me: Yep. I think it is.
While I run during the day, at
night I’ve been dreaming about Jillian. Not like the dream over a year
ago where she came to me. In that dream, she had something to tell me. I KNEW
it was her. No words were spoken, but she looked into my eyes with such love
and intensity. Her purpose with that visit was to let me know she was okay.
Roll your eyes if you want to. I was allowed a glimpse into God’s window. I saw
her, felt her, “spoke” to her.
My latest dreams have been
different, just normal (whatever normal is) dreams where she is a part of them. My most recent dream was at her high school.. She called me to pick her up with the
excuse that she wasn’t feeling well. We were both standing by the counter in
the office while I got ready to sign her out. Her cheeks were flushed, but not
with fever or illness. I could tell. She just wanted to be home. In my heart
I’m conflicted. This kid isn’t sick, she just wants to come home. I struggled
with making her remain at school. But then the realization struck me that
Jillian was going to die on December 29, and “so what “if she stays home?
I was able to pick my battles in
that moment. What if we all knew when our death date was? Would we treat each
other differently? Would we mend those relationships, take that trip, make that
call and spend time with someone ? I would like to think we would.
So whatever your fear is,
whatever is stopping you from making a difference, whatever is making you
run……my prayer for each of you is that you find Peace as you continue your
journey, that you find your way back on an even path, and that we learn to do
it right. We are all connected in some way, to everyone and everything. We only
get one shot at this. Just one.
Even after I've fallen, even though I've been running, I want to enter His kingdom one
day greeted by the words, "You’ve done good".
Peace~
